Creepy

Remember the surreal, vague, metaphysical-seeming stuff I was talking about? Well, this is one of them.

Introspection

Things change. Nature changes, that's what nature is. Ever since God unleashed the Big Bang the total amount of entropy in the universe has only been able to increase. And chaos means change. Lots and lots and lots of change.

People change too. Or do they? I am not the same person I was a year ago, yet I am in essence no different than that naive little boy who loved Enid Blyton and ran down slides for fun. Parts of me have changed, parts of me have not. Am I still that little boy? Perhaps, but perhaps not.

But I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself here. If I have changed, how have I changed? I loved Enid Blyton, and I still do, even if other authors have challenged her preeminence. I no longer run down slides for fun (breaking your arm kinda cures you of that), so maybe I'm a little more cautious; more calculative and less of a risk-taker. I hated celery, and I still do. I still love french fries and fried chicken and pizza, although I can no longer live with myself if I ate those every day.

But to be honest, I'm digressing. My true question is whether my fundamental personality has changed, and that's a lot more difficult to answer. Likes and dislikes change all the time, but those don't really matter. Who I am is far more than what I like or dislike. And what would make up my fundamental personality? Well, I'm an introvert, and I think I always have been. I'm not spontaneous and I've a hard time taking the initiative to do something. I'm slightly better at that now than I was before, but in essence I haven't changed: I still prefer to follow the leader. I've always been kiasu, and I've always been a "nice guy". Well, I no longer exhibit my horridly spiteful temper, but that part of me is still in there somewhere. I'm not a very assertive person and I never have been. I'm easily distracted, amused, or wow-ed by surreal, vague, metaphysical-seeming things, and I always have been. And I still ponder upon the meaning of life and the reason for the existence of the universe every so often.

So, in conclusion, I guess my fundamental personality hasn't changed in any significant way. I may have gained a little bit more control over parts of my personality, but my tendencies in doing things are still roughly the same. Sure, my taste has evolved, and I've probably gained about half a million experience points thus far, but that's an integral part of life.

Wait, a minute, so that means I haven't changed significantly and probably am not going to? I don't know whether that's uplifting or depressing. I guess my indecisive nature hasn't changed as well.

Hmm.

A troubled conscience

No.
Why not?

Because it is wrong.
Is it? Why is it wrong?

Because it's not mine to take. It doesn't belong to me.
So what? How does that make it wrong?

It's called stealing. Stealing is wrong.
Why is stealing wrong? Tell me.

I would be depriving someone of what is rightfully his.
*Low chuckle* Rightfully his? Do you really believe that?

*Silence*
DO you?

Perhaps not. But I would be causing pain and anger. I would be causing distress. That is wrong.
IS it? After ALL that he's done to you?

I...
THINK, my friend, THINK. Without it, you die.

But... But this is wrong!
You spineless fool. It does not belong to him either. He may be its legal owner, but he has no more RIGHT to it than you do. He is the last person on earth who needs it. YOU do.

But there must be another way!
There is no other way. You know that.

There must be! There must be. I can keep looking!
For how long? *snarls harshly* You have two days to live. You don't do this, you die.

But I...
You MUST do this! TAKE it! Take it NOW!

I... I cannot.
You miserable pathetic little fool. Are you such a coward that you cannot even muster up the courage to save your own life?

I... I CANNOT! I CANNOT! Go away, and leave me alone!
Fine. So be it.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
*silence*

He...hello? HELLO?
*silence continues*